


The Honest Cop

by wordsthatmademefall



Category: Chicago PD (TV), UC: Undercover
Genre: Alternate Universe, Antonio Dawson is Jake Shaw, Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-01 09:01:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17864402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsthatmademefall/pseuds/wordsthatmademefall
Summary: This felt like it always did in the end. That moment when he revealed himself to be a traitor, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, sent to befriend a mark, gain their trust, then slap handcuffs on them and cart them off to prison.So, he was afraid to meet Hank’s eyes, afraid to see that same look every single one of his targets would give him in that moment. That look of utter betrayal.*~*~*~*~*AU - Ghosts from Antonio’s past emerge, threatening, not just his team’s trust in him, but his life and the life of an old friend.





	1. Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> While this is technically a CPDxUC crossover, you don't need to have watched UC to read this. It's more fun, sure, but I'll explain anything that needs to be explained from that show. Plus it only ran for 13 episodes, so I took the foundation and tweaked it how I wanted.  
> I do not own any characters from CPD and UC, those belong to Dick Wolf and Shane Salerno, respectively.

The shrill squeak of the door grates on his ears, aggravating the nervous energy running beneath his skin. He quickly casts his eyes around the dimly-lit restroom, glancing over the bathroom stalls and mirrored walls, as he turns to flick the faucet on. Bending over the sink, he cups his hands beneath the running water, letting them overflow a bit before splashing his face. Bent over, hands still gripping the counter’s edge, he takes a deep breath and the vice on his chest slowly loosens. 

The sound of spraying water fades away, and a muffled ring begins to clog his ears. Confused, he reaches up and rubs his right ear roughly. All sounds cease. 

His heart beats rapidly in his chest as fear overtakes him.

The bang of the stall door bursting open has him spinning on his heel and reaching for his absent holster. At the pump of the shotgun pointed at his face, his hands fly up in surrender.

A hand grabs the collar of his shirt and lifts him off the floor, slamming him up against the mirror, glass shattering around him. 

“White man’s dog!” 

He grasps desperately at the hand on his chest, trying to push it off. 

The large fist collides with his jaw, snapping his head to the side. He can taste the coppery tang of blood pooling in his mouth as he looks at Quito’s snarling face. 

“I’m sorry,” Antonio sobs as his nails dig into Quito’s hand, “It’s my job. It’s just my job.” (*)

He shifts his gaze to the figure standing behind Quito, pleading for help.

“I’m sorry! Sonny!”

_ “Dad, wake up!”  _

Lights shine brilliantly and fill his vision with white.

He jolted up with a gasp, his hand flying to his chest. A hard cough rattled his lungs as he looked up. Blinking teary eyes, he tried to focus on the figure standing at his door.

_ Eva _

“Dad?” her voice trembled as she continued to stand stiffly at the door, hand over the light switch, “Dad, are you okay?”

“What happened? What’s wrong?” He rasped, looking her over. His throat felt like sandpaper rubbing together.

“You were screaming,” Eva’s voice broke. She still didn’t move.

He looked down and rubbed at his chest as he tried to figure out how to  _ breathe. _

“Dad.” Eva’s pleading voice broke his stupor.

“I’m fine,” he whispered, then looked up to meet her gaze, stating in a stronger voice “I’m fine. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

Eva took a hesitant step toward him, but he held out a hand, stopping her in her tracks.

“It was just a nightmare. I’m sorry,” he let out a shaky breath, “Go back to bed.”

She didn’t move for a moment, but he looked away and rubbed at the phantom ache in his jaw. Eventually, he heard her leave and go back to her room.

His head fell forward into his hands as he tried to take deep breaths. He shivered as the sweat cooled on his skin. 

That dream. It had felt so _ real. _

It had been so long...

* * *

 

He let his lukewarm coffee wash through his mouth a bit before swallowing, as he stared at the file left open on the couch.

_ 9:24pm, we arrived at the docks. Lehman was waiting for us. _

_ The exchange is made. _

“Antonio.”

Hank was at the doorway of the break room. How long had he been standing there?

“Hey,” Antonio cleared his throat and pushed away from the sink, his knees stiff and protesting.

Hank entered the breakroom and approached, “You alright?”

“Yeah,” he motioned to the file, “Just going over everything.”

Hank nodded and smiled, “Good. Stone called, wants you to check in with him before you testify tomorrow.”

“Great, thanks.” Antonio moved to the couch and began to gather everything up into the folder..

“You look a little tired. Everything okay?” Hank asked leaning against the fridge.

Antonio huffed a laugh and rubbed his eye, “Yeah. Couldn’t sleep.”

“Anything you wanna talk about?”

“Nah, I’m good,” he replied, shaking his head. 

Hank nodded and with a pat to Antonio’s back, left the room.

* * *

 

“Thanks, Antonio,” Stone said with smile, “Relax. It’ll all be over soon.”

Antonio snorted, “I’m not worried. I’ve done this hundreds of times.”

Peter laughed as he turned back to the stone steps, “See you on the stand. And leave that smirk out here, yeah?” 

The grin on his lips slipped a bit at the tease, familiar words echoing in his head from years ago.

_ That’s just a coincidence,  _ he thought as he remembered his dream from the other night.

The hair on the back of his neck rose and he found himself already scanning the faces around him.

A man in a long tan coat, walking further down the street, caught his eyes for some reason. He could only see the back of his head, but something was tugging him to the figure. His feet moved without his consent, but before he made it two steps, a car horn sounded behind him and pulled his attention to the yelling driver.

When he looked back to where the man had been, he didn’t see him anywhere. Shaking out the strange shiver that ran down his neck, he took one last look around before heading back inside.

* * *

 

“Earth to Antonio.”

He snapped himself from his thoughts and looked up to see Jay and Herrmann were looking at him, expectantly, “Hm?” 

“Where’d you go, man?” Jay chuckled.

“Sorry,” he cleared his throat, and laughed, “What were we talking about?”

“Luke taking up boxing.”

“Right.” But his attention was pulled away as his gaze landed on a man who was standing at a table across the room. 

_ Sonny? _

He was expecting to see his old friend’s face, but when the man turned around, it was someone unfamiliar to him. 

Why had he thought that? 

Turning back to his friends, he placed money down on the counter, “Sorry, I’m gonna head out, I’m beat. I’ll see you later.”

This was getting ridiculous. But as he went to bed that night, he couldn’t help but think these dreams and these strange feelings were trying to tell him something.

_ John wasn’t hiding his anger at the decision he made. He could tell he thought he was playing this too closely, toeing the edge. But this was how he worked. _

_ “You really think he’s that good.” Do you really think he could work me? _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ “Better than me?” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “Better than you?” _

_ “It’d be a hell of a fight.” So what happens to me? _

_ “You’re doing this to me now? Now?” His pager went off, “That’s Sonny.” _

_ “Jake.” _

_ “I might just surprise you.” (**) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (*) Quito Real was a crime boss whose organization Jake infiltrated to take down. Leading up to Real's trial, Jake had nightmares of his targets prompted by his guilt. This scene was an actual dream Jake had before a trial  
> (**) Jake was undercover with a group of bank robbers. The group made him prove his loyalty by killing a rat in the crew. Turns out the gun they gave him had blanks, but he still took the shot, risking jail time if he was wrong about the gun not being loaded and prompting a stern talking-to from his boss.


	2. Why does a wolf howl

The restaurant is dimmed. The white tablecloth glows brighter and brighter as he walks closer to it. Two men sit on the opposite side, deep in conversation. Their voices fade in as he approaches.

“Why does a wolf howl, Jake?”

The younger man shakes his head.

_ No. You know why,  _ he wants to remind him. 

The older man answers, but no sound comes out of his mouth. 

He opens his eyes to dawn’s light stretching across his ceiling. 

Turning onto his side, he reached for his cellphone. His alarm was going to go off in four minutes.

He lies still, enjoying the warmth of his bed as he lets himself wake fully. 

Antonio’s brow furrowed as he thought about his dream. That was the third one in two weeks. The third dream of the past. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had these dreams. Why now?

His phone began to vibrate in his hand, snapping him out of his thoughts so he silenced his alarm and sat up.

He got ready for work on autopilot, and before he knew it, he was outside the house being engulfed in the chilly morning air.

As he walked to his car, his eyes swept the street. No one was outside, but one parked car was running, down the street, it's tailpipe blowing out steaming exhaust. He did a double take and his eyes lingered on the silver sedan for a moment more. 

Shaking his head sharply, he got into his car and sat behind the wheel for a moment after starting it, hand resting over his holster. His fingers twitched against the cold steel and he pulled his hand away. 

_ What am I doing? _

The dreams were getting to him, that’s it. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck before shifting his car into drive and heading to work.

* * *

 

“We’re meeting at Ken Jacobs’,” Ruzek tapped the picture of the man on the board, “club, Countdown, at 3. We’ll be taking two cars to the exchange: Jacobs and Ryan leading, followed by myself and Rick.”

“Okay,” Voight looked them over, thinking, “Antonio and Kim, you’re on surveillance at the club.” 

“Got it,” Kim answered and Antonio nodded.

“The rest of us, we’ll be on standby until we get the location. We’ll all follow and position ourselves at the exchange. We’ll make the bust once the drugs and the money change hands.” 

They all dispersed to get ready. Kim and Antonio joined Al downstairs to wire Adam up and prep the van. 

“Alright, the word is ‘curtain.’” Al said to them as they descended the stairs. 

“‘Curtain,’” Adam repeated, “Got it.” 

“I’ll grab the van,” Antonio told Kim lifting the rollup.

The cold air washed quickly through the opening making him shiver as he stepped out. Thankfully, the sun was at least shining warm and bright as he walked to the surveillance van. 

It was parked at the corner of the back lot and he passed quite a few people milling around, uniformed and plainclothes alike. He blew warm air into his hands as he unlocked the doors of the gray van disguised as a carpet cleaning service. As he pulled the handle, a strange feeling, like eyes on the back of his head, caused him to freeze. He brought his right hand to hover around his gun, and tried to discreetly look over his shoulder. 

He pulled the handle, prolonging the action of turning and sliding into the seat so that he could look around to see if there was actually anything out of the ordinary.

Nothing stood out to him as he took another few seconds to scan his eyes out the windshield.

He grit his teeth as he started the car and drove back to the rollup, keeping an eye out for  _ something.  _ Something he couldn’t put his finger on. Was he being watched? Or was he being paranoid?

It was probably the latter. The dreams from his past were messing with his head. That was the only thing he could think of. He hadn’t pissed anyone off lately, as far as he knew. 

Kim was waiting for him with a gun and their vests on the table when he pulled up. 

When everything was prepped, and Voight gave them the go ahead, Antonio and Kim jumped into the van, and drove to plant themselves near the club for the meet. If Antonio was preoccupied with triple checking his mirrors all the way there, well, that was his business.

* * *

 

_ “Give me a moment with Kyle, would you boys?” _

“What’s this?” Kim muttered, leaning forward to listen more closely. Antonio leaned forward as well, getting ready to jump up if Adam called for help.

There was silence as the other two crew members supposedly left, then Jacobs began speaking,  _ “Tell me something, Kyle. What’s next for you?”  _

_ “I don’t know, man. I needed a job quick, and I am damned lucky Rick found me when he did. And I’m glad I could help him, I owe him. But what’s next? I’m not too sure yet.” _

_ “Well, if you continue to prove yourself today, this job works out fine, you could have a spot on my crew.” _

A pause.  _ “Ken, man, I appreciate it, really-” _

_ “Kyle, this crew, me and my boys, it’s not just about the jobs. It’s everything. We’re brothers. You could be one of us. Everything we do, we do together. We protect each other. We show up, no matter what.” _

**Why does a wolf howl, Jake?**

The breath caught in his throat as the words echoed in his head, and suddenly, he was back in the restaurant, waiting for Sonny to tell him  _ why _ .

“A wolf howls because he’s lonely, he wants other wolves around. Needs to be part of a pack, otherwise the nights get cold and empty out there.”

Cold rushed through him as the ever-present feeling of loneliness surged up within him. As did the resentment in his heart: resentment for the world that passed him by, for the families who gave him up before he was even given a chance. 

“And this crew, your crew. You’re telling me, what, it’s like a-” 

“ _ Family.  _ Anytime, anywhere. Family. It works out, you get in trouble, you need anything, you got four brothers right there, ready to do battle with anyone.”

_ “Antonio. Hey,”  _

He was literally shaken back to the present to see Kim looking at him with concern 

“What?” he asked, confused.

“You disappeared on me for a second there,” she told him, searching his face worriedly, “Are you okay?”

_ Shit.  _ “I’m okay, sorry,” Antonio replied, “I got distracted.” 

_ “Pack it up. We’re heading out in 15 minutes.” _

He had missed the end of Jacobs’ and Adam’s conversation.

“Call Voight, let him know they’re getting ready to go,” he told Kim, avoiding her eyes as he began to pack up.

What was wrong with him?

“Okay, Voight’s pulling up,” Kim said grabbing her vest and shrugging it on.

He nodded, pulling on his own vest and throwing on the strap of his gun.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Kim asked, picking up their gear.

A knock on the door interrupted them. He leaned to open the door and was greeted by Alvin on the other side, “Let’s go.” 

Al took the laptop from Kim’s hand and led them to Voight’s SUV.

* * *

 

“Detective,” Trudy called from her desk, interrupting his conversation with Kim as they walked through the lobby, “someone here to see you.”

Antonio turned around to see a brunette woman in a suit waiting for him at the foot of the stairs. 

“Who’s that?” Kim asked quietly, looking the woman over.

“I don’t know,” Antonio answered, “I’ll see you upstairs.” 

“Hurry up. I wanna get to Molly’s, you owe me a drink,” Kim teased, but she didn’t move away from Trudy’s desk yet.

“This isn’t over,” Antonio shot back before he made his way over to the woman.

“Detective Dawson.” The woman asked, straightening her jacket before holding a hand out, “I’m Agent Castellanos, I’m with the FBI.” 

He shook her hand, “Nice to meet you. FBI?”

“Yes,” she flashed her badge, “Do you have a few minutes?”

“Sure,” he motioned to the vacant office, following her in and closing the door behind him, “What can mI do for you?”

“You were the detective undercover in the Zayas case.” 

“That’s right,” He said slowly, “I thought that case was closed.” 

“We are currently investigating Zayas’ involvement in larger operations. There are a few things I would like to ask you.”

Strange, that was news to him. Zayas didn’t have big name connections or reach outside Chicago as far as he knew.

Antonio shook his head, “Sorry. I don’t know how much help I could give you. I was only involved in his latest weapons deal. I gave all the details in my report and testimony. Any other information I got from his file, so I probably have less knowledge than you do.”

“He never talked to you about other deals? His associates maybe?”

He thought back over his week with Zayas’ crew but nothing stood out, “No, sorry.” 

Castellanos pursed her lips in thought. She scanned his face, a little too intensely if you asked him, before finally nodding in acceptance, “Alright, well thank you. Please let me know if anything comes to mind.”

He nodded, a bit confused that she let it go that quickly.

“Thank you for your time.”

He opened the door for her and watched her walk out of the building before making his way upstairs. It wasn’t until the gate to Intelligence buzzed and he pulled it open that he realized she hadn’t left a card or contact information. 

_ She probably left something with Trudy,  _ he reasoned, shrugging it off. Otherwise, she knew where she could find him, if needed.


	3. For a Friend

Exhaling a long breath, Antonio stomped his feet against the pavement a few times to warm himself up. He was tired and cold, and couldn’t wait to get into bed. The alcohol was especially making him drowsy.

He yawned as he walked up the steps to his door, digging for his keys in his coat pocket.

“Jake.”

He froze, the blood in his veins turning ice cold with shock. Few people knew him by that name. Then something clicked in the back of his mind when the voice registered.

Turning slowly, all weariness forgotten, he found himself staring at a familiar face.

“Sonny?” 

“Hey kid,” Sonny chuckled, a fond smile on his lips.

Still shocked, and honestly thinking this was another one of his strange dreams, Antonio wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do next. Sonny, on the other hand, didn’t wait, and approached the steps slowly.

Antonio finally found his voice. “What-” he swallowed and tried again, “What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk,” Sonny sighed.

His mind was failing to keep up with what was happening right now.

“Uh,” he croaked, looking behind him to the door quickly, “Yeah. Yeah, come in.”

He unlocked the door quickly and went inside, leaving it open for Sonny to follow. 

Good thing Eva was at a friend’s tonight. He could barely believe Sonny’s presence for himself, let alone explain it to another person right now.

He turned straight to the kitchen, throwing his keys onto the counter. Sonny, closing the door behind him, took his time, looking around the apartment with a smile.

“It’s a nice place you’ve got here.”

Antonio nodded when Sonny met his eyes, but looked away to the fridge when he didn’t have a real response. He needed water. Actually, more alcohol sounded pretty great, but maybe that wasn’t such a smart idea. 

“Would you like a drink?”

“No, I’m alright.”

“Okay, I’m just gonna,” he motioned vaguely to the fridge, before turning to grab a glass of water, “Have a seat, make yourself comfortable.”

He took his time, getting in a few gulps of water while his brain worked to catch up. 

The last time he had seen Sonny was, Jesus, was it seventeen years? They barely ever communicated, and it was never directly. He had a box of postcards, only adorned with short notes, stashed away in the back of his closet to prove it. 

Putting the empty glass down, he looked to the living room to see Sonny was studying the very few picture frames that sat atop the wine rack, an unreadable expression on his face. 

He made his way over to the living room, laying a hand on the back of the couch while he waited for Sonny to finish his examination. He was looking at a picture of him, Gabby, Eva and Diego from one of their camping trips. 

“Just you here?” 

He stayed silent for a confused moment, before he realized he was asking about the apartment. “My daughter lives with me.” 

Sonny smiled warmly, but his eyes looked a bit sad, “How about your son?”

“Lives with his mother,” Antonio said, sitting down on the couch.

Sonny put the frame down, and sat down in the armchair.

Antonio studied him for a moment. He couldn’t believe it. It really was Sonny. The years may have changed him, given him whiter hair, more lines on his face, but he still had the same eyes, eyes that held years of experiences and wisdom of the world in their depths. Eyes that had been dimmed irreparably with heartbreak but still held a glint of cleverness. 

“It’s really great to see you again, Jake.” 

“Antonio,” he corrected quickly, flushing a bit when Sonny cocked his head to the side, confused, “I’m Antonio now.” 

“You never told me that,” There was no heat behind Sonny’s statement, just curiosity.

“I guess I forgot,” Antonio shrugged it off. That wasn’t true. He couldn’t really explain why he’d never revealed his identity change to Sonny in any of their short correspondences. Maybe it was the comfort he felt at seeing his name actually addressed to him, feeding his inability to truly let go of who he was. Maybe because it was Sonny: how the man had seen him for the man he was deep down despite the deception, and he couldn’t be anyone but Jake to him. 

But here, with Sonny talking to him in person, he had to be Antonio.

“Looks like there’s a lot I have to catch up on,” He mused, looking back over to the pictures of Antonio’s loved ones. 

“Yeah, I guess so. But you didn’t come here after all these years to catch up,” Antonio said with a grin, “What’s going on, Sonny?”

Sonny’s face turned serious, “Patriaka.”

“Patriaka?” Antonio asked, bewildered, “He’s dead. Died in prison a decade ago.”

“Not that one. His son.”

“Aristos Patriaka had a son?”

“Illegitimate. His name is Lukas” 

“Okay. So…?”

“He arrived in Chicago a month ago.” 

“You’ve been keeping tabs on him? Why?” He didn’t see any reason for Sonny to reappear and involve himself with this boy.

“I don’t need to tell you,  _ Antonio,  _ that it’s always a good idea to keep an eye out for those you betray.”(*)

_ Point taken.  _

“He sent men after me in Cairo eight months ago,” Sonny stated that a little too calmly in Antonio’s opinion. And at his concerned look, Sonny shook his head, “It’s fine, I was long gone before he and his men even set foot in Egypt.”

“He’s been gunning for you?”

“For the past two years, he’s been asking around about me, looking for me.”

“So, what brought him here?”

Sonny looked pensive, “I honestly don’t know. Word is, he’s been following in his father’s footsteps, with the help of his father’s good friend, Yannis Michel. Even retook his last name. But since he’s been here, I’ve lost all trace of him.” 

“And you’re sure it was Lukas, in Cairo?”

“Yes.” His voice was unwavering. 

That was good enough for him, “Okay. I’ll try to get a eyes on him, until then, lay low.”

“Thank you, Jake. Antonio,” He corrected himself with a chuckle before Antonio could, standing up from the chair, “I should get going, I’d rather not risk being seen, worse, having you be seen with me. Here,” he handed him a slip of paper with a number, “you can reach me at this number.”

Antonio took it, and followed Sonny to the door, “It’s good to see you again, Sonny.” 

Sonny considered him for a moment before bringing a hand up to squeeze Antonio’s shoulder lightly, “It’s good to see you too, kid.” He gave him one last grin before walking out the door.

“Stay safe.”

* * *

 

The words were beginning to blur together. The ache in his temple was getting worse as he tried to read past the harsh light glaring out of his monitor.  

When he ended up reading the same line three times in a row, he rubbed his eyes harshly and leaned back in his chair with a long sigh. 

Six days of early mornings and late nights, calling in any favours he could to get information on Patriaka - Junior and Senior - and their associates and properties, all while keeping up with his Intelligence caseload, was running him ragged. 

So far, though, there was nothing to even indicate that Lukas was in Chicago. Or that he had ever travelled outside of New Mexico, the one state he had visited multiple times in the past ten years, and always from Cuba, where he was a citizen.

He crossed his arms on his desk and let his head rest on them, closing his eyes. He just needed to rest his eyes for a second, before they burned in their sockets from staring at the monitor too long. 

A loud clang had him lurching up in his seat, his heart pounding in his chest. He pulled out his phone to check the time just as Jay came up the stairs. 

When Jay caught sight of him at his desk, he paused, “Antonio? What are you doing here?” He approached his desk as Antonio yawned and blinked the sleep out of his eyes, “Have you been here this whole time? Were you sleeping?” 

Antonio rubbed a hand down his face, “That’s a lot of questions, Jay.” He sighed, “What are  _ you _ doing here?”

Jay smirked at him, “I left my phone.” He walked past Antonio to his own desk, and held it up demonstratively.

Antonio nodded and began to gather up his notes and files. When he shut down his computer and started shrugging on his jacket, he realized Jay was still there, “Now what are you waiting for?” 

“Are you working a case?” Jay asked him, looking at the drawer he had just stuffed the files in.

He shook his head, “A buddy of mine asked me to look over one of his.” 

“Ah, okay. You should head home, man. It’s late.” 

“Yeah,” No argument there. He wasn’t going to get anything else done tonight. 

They walked out together getting ready to part when they made it outside the building. It was quiet outside. But 1am and cold usually meant everyone was trying to stay inside where there was warmth. And a bed. 

“You okay to drive?” Jay asked him, hesitating before turning away fully.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Antonio said, waving him off, “I’ll see you later.”

“Goodnight.” Antonio didn’t turn around at the call, ready to be home.

* * *

 

“Hey, can I see you for a sec?” Hank said quietly as he passed Antonio’s desk.

He shrugged at Kim’s confused look as he got up to follow his boss into his office. 

“What’s up?” He asked as he walked in. 

Hank motioned for him to close the door, and waited until he did so to speak, “What’s going on?”

Antonio figured he knew what Hank was talking about, but it was better to see how much his boss aware of before he dug himself into a hole at the get-go, “Sorry?”

“Antonio, you’ve been distracted and tired this whole week. I know you’ve been staying here late, I know you come in early. And I’m not the only one who’s noticed. What’s got you so preoccupied?” 

Antonio looked back out to the bullpen for a second, thinking of what to say. It had been nine days since Sonny came to him for help. And he couldn’t lie to his sergeant hoping they wouldn’t catch on to him eventually. So he tried to fix up his story quickly before facing Hank.

He leaned against the chair in front of him as he spoke, “An informant of mine tipped me off on something possibly going on with someone very dangerous.” 

Hank’s eyebrows rose at the very lack of information he’d just provided. 

Antonio shrugged helplessly, “I know. But the problem is, all I have is a name, no proof he’s even here in this state and no clue as to what he might be up to.”

“So why are you still working on it?”

Sighing, Antonio said, truthfully, “This guy poses a threat, he was related to an old case of mine. But mostly, I trust my informant. He’s a good man, afraid for his life. I promised I’d look into it.”

Hank seemed to deliberate over the information for a bit before he spoke again, “A name, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Who is it?”

That couldn’t hurt, “Lukas Patriaka.” He should probably end the conversation here. Hopefully he’d given enough information so Hank would let it go, “I’m sorry I let myself be distracted. I’m gonna close this up soon.”

After a pause, Hank nodded then leaned forward on his desk, “Give me all the information you’ve gathered on this Patriaka.”

Wait, what? “Sarge-” 

“We just finished a case, and this way, you close up this situation sooner.”

“I’m telling you, it’s a road to nowhere right now.”

“Get the information on the board. Brief everyone in 30 minutes.”

Hank’s tone was final, so Antonio kept his mouth shut and went outside to start pulling out information he could share with them.

* * *

 

The silence in the bullpen was, well, understandable. 

The expressions ranged from blank to bewildered as they looked at Hank and Antonio like there was a joke they weren’t being let in on. 

Jay, ever the brave detective, spoke up first, “What did this guy do?”

Antonio looked over to Hank with an ‘ _ I told you so’  _ expression, before he answered

“Well, nothing yet.” 

“But you know he is  _ definitely  _ going to commit a crime.” Adam chimed in for clarification.

“According to my guy: yes.”

“I don’t know. There’s not much to go on here,” Hailey said looking to Voight.

Hank met Antonio’s eyes when the detective looked to see what he wanted to do, “See if there’s something he missed. I want to know everything about this guy,” as everyone went to do what they were told, however confused they were, he turned to Antonio, “call in to your CI. I want more information.” 

“I told him to lay low. And he’s told me all he knows.” Antonio argued.

“You better be sure about that. Go talk to him.”

Antonio didn’t move, as though he was going to insist, but in the end, he pulled out his phone and went to the stairs.

When he was out of sight, Hank motioned for Al, who hadn’t moved, to join him in his office.

Al shut the door and sat down in the seat across from Hank’s and jumped right in, “So what is all this really about?”

Hank turned his chair back and forth in thought before answering, “There’s something else going on. Antonio’s never been one to hold back information on a tip from a CI he trusts the way he seems to trust this one. He’s been spending a lot of time on this even though he was acting like it wasn’t a big deal. And he was being evasive about it.”

“You think he’s hiding something.” Al summarised, nodding.

“There’s something he’s not telling us.”

“What do you need?”

“Like I said, I want to know everything about this Patriaka. Especially anything Antonio thinks is worth hiding.”

“I’ll fish around.”

* * *

 

_ “Your unit’s involved now?”  _ Sonny asked, surprised.

“Yeah. Don’t worry, your name will never come up,” Antonio said, leaning back against his car.

_ “You should be more worried about your name, kid.”  _

Antonio chuckled, touched at the concern, “My name will never come up, ever. It’s beyond burned and buried. Has been for almost twenty years now.” As always, when he thought about it, the lingering sadness in his heart made itself known again, “I’ve gotta get back. I’ll talk to you soon.”

_ “You got it, Jake.” _

Antonio smiled as he hung up his phone and pushed away from his car.

* * *

 

“I have an update for you.”

Hank looked up to see Alvin at his door, a file in his hand. He looked out into the bullpen and saw that it was still empty, the unit having gone to serve a warrant, and beckoned him in.

“So I called in to a few of my contacts,” Al said, sitting across from Hank, “First of all, Antonio has no connection to Lukas Patriaka. Patriaka lives in Cuba, only other place he frequents is New Mexico. So I dug into family. He changed his name to Patriaka a few years ago. He was formerly, Lukas Milonas. His father on record is Yannis Milonas, but his real father is Aristos Patriaka, who died in a federal penitentiary ten years ago.” 

“What was he in for?” 

“Ripping and running drugs across the border, murder. Guy made millions in illegal businesses for years, until a previous accomplice sold him out.” 

“Any idea what Lukas is doing in Chicago?” 

“None. He’s basically unknown in Chicago. And he’s been off the radar, if he’s still here, that is.”

The office fell into silence as Hank considered the information. 

“What about this accomplice who sold him out?”

“Couldn’t get anything on him. But apparently he made a deal: the information for immunity. That was more than twenty years ago,” Alvin sighed, “Nothing’s adding up.”

“Antonio could be getting played,” Hank pointed out.

“For what reason?”

He didn’t know. But he had to talk to Antonio again.

_ “We got a possible location on Redman,”  _ Jay’s voice interrupted from the stairs. The team was back.

With one last look at Alvin, Hank tabled the discussion until he could speak to Antonio.

* * *

 

His phone rang sharply as he and Adam walked outside to their cars. 

Digging it out his pocket, he froze when he saw Sonny’s number on his screen. Adam stopped, too, but turned away to give him some privacy when Antonio put the phone to his ear.

“Yeah?” 

_ “I’m being followed.” _

“What? Where are you?” The alarm in his voice caught Adam’s attention.

_ “West Cermak, the boxing club.” _

“I’m on my way,” He started walking to his car again, faster, and Adam followed, “Don’t go anywhere.” 

“Antonio who was that?” Adam asked, following him to his car.

“I’ve gotta go,” Antonio opened the car door, but Adam planted himself in front of the vehicle.

“No that sounds serious, I’m coming with you.” 

He didn’t have time to argue, so he nodded and Adam ran to jump into the passenger’s side.

“My CI for this Patriaka thing thinks he’s being followed,” Adam deserved to know what they were doing. 

“Okay, should I call Voight?” Adam asked. 

“Not yet. I just need to get him somewhere safe, that’s it.” 

They didn’t speak anymore as Antonio drove to the boxing club. He parked on the street and jumped out, as did Adam.

“Stay here,” he commanded, jogging to the building. 

But Adam wasn’t having it, “You’re kidding, right.” he asked, staying by his side.

They went into the building, and Antonio scanned the area for Sonny. He didn’t see him. 

He ran up to the counter, “Did you see a guy here, sixties, six foot, light hair.”

The kid at the desk nodded, “Yeah, he just left.” 

“Which way did he go?”

“Went that way,” he said pointing left.

“Thanks.” He said running back out past Adam and heading towards the end of the sidewalk, pulling out his phone. He squinted in the dark, trying to find any clue of where Sonny had gone.

When the phone continued to ring without an answer, Antonio made a judgement call and turned to the back road, walking quickly past all the cars, Adam on his heels.

The loud rattle of a fence sounded up ahead, and Antonio pulled his gun, sprinting to the source. He could hear the sounds of a struggle, and as he ran around the bend of the fence, he saw three men fighting. One was leaning heavily against an excavator, another had his arm across the neck of the third and had him pinned to the fence.  _ Sonny.  _

“Hey!” Antonio didn’t stop running, and without thinking, he let his feet pick up speed and full on tackled the man off of Sonny. 

The first man let out a loud curse as Antonio and his partner went tumbling to the ground. 

“Gun!”

Antonio got in a punch before Adam’s shout had his head snapping up to look at the first man, who had indeed pulled out a gun and had been pointing it in his direction, but at the yell, quickly turned it onto Adam. Two shots sounded, and at the same time, the man under Antonio’s hold  _ twisted  _ and kicked out from under him, shoving him off and quickly ran, ducking behind cars as he escaped. Antonio didn’t go after him.

“Adam!” Antonio yelled, getting a glimpse of the dead offender on the ground before running to where Adam was standing. 

“I’m alright.” He reassured. Seeing that Adam really was okay, Antonio ran to Sonny, who was leaning against the fence while Adam went to check on the downed offender. 

“Hey, Sonny, are you okay?” He put a hand against his neck, and looked him over. 

“Yeah, don’t worry, kid,” Sonny rasped. 

“Do you need a hospital?” He asked.

“Jake, I’m fine.”

He wasn’t going to win this argument so he let it go.

“We need to call this in.” Adam said as he walked up to him and Sonny.

Antonio bit his lip, looking at the dead body, then at Sonny, with an apology in his eyes, “Sonny, he’s right, I’m sorry. Lukas knows you’re here now, I can’t protect you on my own.”

Sonny looked at him for a moment before nodding in acceptance, “Whatever you need to do.”

Antonio looked to Adam, “Call it in.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (*) This is an obvious reference to Jake having a lot of enemies due to his undercover work. But there is a specific moment Sonny would be referencing here: A former target recognized Jake at a bar. He followed Jake out and was planning to shoot him while his back was turned, but Sonny killed the man and saved Jake.


	4. The Truth

He rubbed the skin of his knuckles anxiously as he paced the walkway between the desks.

The buzz of the Intelligence gate sounded, and he was frozen in place when Hank, Al and Adam reached the top of the stairs. Hank took one look at the break room where Sonny was seated, and gestured for Antonio to follow him.

“Come with me,” Hank didn’t break his stride as he passed.

Antonio shot a look to Al and Adam before following Hank, puzzled when he went to the stairs leading to the garage.

When they were alone in the room, Hank turned around and squared off with Antonio.

“Sarge, I-”

Hank held out a hand and cut him off, “No, shut up. I want the truth. Now.”

Antonio stared, and Hank continued, “Adam just killed a man who was targeting your informant, ‘Sonny.’ So you’re going to tell me what’s going on, right now. Starting with you,” he walked into Antonio’s space, pointing a finger at his chest, “Who is Jake?”

His breath caught in his chest as Hank glared at him, unrelenting.

“Adam heard Sonny call you Jake. Who is he?”

Antonio stepped back, and turned away from Hank’s unrelenting gaze, trying to gather his thoughts - a real challenge since he was just too tired, and he could only focus on finding Patriaka.

Lying was only going to do more harm. There was no way around his and Sonny’s past. He had to tell Hank the truth.

He took a deep breath, sitting down at the table, before he looked at his sergeant and motioned to the other chair, “Let me just get my thoughts together, please.”

Hank nodded and sat across from him, waiting.

“Years ago, before,” he gestured vaguely at himself, “this, before I was a Chicago cop, I worked as a federal agent in a special operations group.”

Hank’s face was unreadable, showing no reaction to the revelation, so he continued, “Our unit specialized in infiltration: we operated undercover to take down major criminals.”

He leaned back in his chair, rubbing his hands down his face, “One of our missions went… south,” _to put it lightly,_ “I was undercover with an arms dealer, when something went wrong and I was blown.

“It was bad. I was forced to disappear.” His nails dug into his palms as his mind conjured up the images of a hospital room. He felt it all over again: the pain as he laid there, listening to Frank explain to him, with such devastation on his face, that it was over; he was _done._

He waited for that information to sink in for Hank. And it did, “Antonio Dawson isn’t your real name.”

A bitter laugh escaped him as he remembered a conversation topic that’d often come up between him and his partner during their years together:

_“You ever think about doing something else?”_

_“Like what?”_

_“I don’t know. Plumber?”_

_Alex laughs, “I don’t think I could handle the uniform.”_

_He looks at her, his grin suddenly feeling too stiff, “I wouldn’t know what name to put on.”_

“No,” he told Hank, “It isn’t.”

The tension in the air had him wired, his skin prickling like there was a current in the air. This felt like it always did in the end. That moment when he revealed himself to be a traitor, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, sent to befriend a mark, gain their trust, then slap handcuffs on them and cart them off to prison.

So, he was afraid to meet Hank’s eyes, afraid to see that same _look_ every single one of his targets would give him in that moment. That look of utter _betrayal._

He hated this feeling.

“Sonny was the one who provided information on Aristos Patriaka that sent him to prison. We were his protection while he went on record and revealed every detail he could about Patriaka’s drug operations. It was revenge. Revenge for his wife, Carly, who Aristos had ordered killed.

“He came to me, about a week and a half ago, and told me that Lukas Patriaka, Aristos’ son, had come after him in Cairo. He told me that Lukas arrived in Chicago a little over a month ago, and he doesn’t know why. That’s what I’ve been doing: finding out what Lukas was up to so I could get ahead of him, and stop him from killing Sonny.”

He finally looked at Hank, and in a hard voice, told him, “I am not going to let anything happen to him, Sarge.”

The silence that followed seemed to stretched on forever, and as it did, Antonio felt a hole begin to tear itself open in his heart, even though he had been steeling himself for the inevitable rejection. If his early years being bounced around in the system taught him anything, it was that he should always expect it. So he told himself he was ready for Hank to abandon Sonny, and _Jake,_ to their own devices, to find their own way out of this mess.

He didn’t expect what came out of Hank’s mouth next.

“Get Sonny into protective custody. Tomorrow morning, we’ll brief the team on the situation.”

Antonio didn’t know what to say, blind-sided by Hank’s response. Hank’s face was still an inscrutable mask, though. He could only gape as Hank got up and went back upstairs.

* * *

 

“We have officers posted to keep an eye out,” Antonio said as he sat on the edge of the bed, watching Sonny take a look around the motel room.

“Not as nice as running on my own, I have to say,” Sonny joked as he turned back and sat on the bench under the single window.

Antonio cracked a smile, but it faded too quickly. Sonny noticed.

“What’s wrong, kid?”

He sniffed as tears welled up in his eyes, “They know. I had to tell my boss the truth: that I’m not who everyone thinks I am.” 

Sonny stayed silent, unsure what he could say. His heart ached for the younger man and all the trouble trying to help a friend has caused him.

“What am I going to do now?” he continued in a broken voice, “They’ll never trust me again. I built a life here on a lie. Am I supposed to start over? Again?” 

Sonny sat down in front of him when the tears began to fall, guiding his head down to rest against his shoulder. He held on as Antonio fell apart.

* * *

 

His eyes felt gritty and dry as he opened them to the morning light filtering through the thin curtains. Pulling out his phone, he saw that it was still early, and he needed to be at work in a bit. He noticed the pillow and blanket strewn across the bench under the window and immediately felt guilty for having kicked Sonny out of his own bed. Sonny was nowhere to be seen, but water was running in the bathroom.

He pulled his jacket on and was running a hand through his hair, when he was startled by a knock on the door.

Grabbing his gun out of its holster, he put it behind his back and took a look through the peephole.

He released a breath when he only saw Officer Tomlin on the other side. Still, he opened the door carefully.

“Yeah?”

“Good morning, Detective. The coffee Mr. Walker requested,” he said, extremely chipper for too-early in the AM, holding a tray with two cups up for him to see.

“Thanks, Tomlin.” He smiled, taking the tray out of his hands. The officer gave him a quick nod before turning and leaving. As Antonio kicked the door closed, Sonny came out of the restroom.

“Morning, kid,” Sonny greeted, taking one of the cups from the tray, “Asked them to grab us some coffee. Good kid, that Tomlin.” He tacked on, sitting down on the bed.

“Yeah. Thank you,” Antonio said, taking the lid off his own cup, letting the scent wash through him before taking a sip.

Sonny examined him for a moment, “How are you feeling?”

Antonio considered that. He honestly didn’t know, so he settled his thoughts on the task at hand, “Ready to hunt down Patriaka.”

He placed the cup on the dresser so he could fasten his gun and badge to his belt, “I should get going. I’ll come check on you tonight.”

Sonny stood and set his coffee down before pulling Antonio in for a hug, “Be careful.”

Antonio gave him a smile, then grabbed his coffee and left.

* * *

 

He sighed as he drove past his house, annoyed that someone had parked in his spot, forcing him to drive to the end of the block, the only place with room to park.

Since he had time before he had to be at work, he had come home to freshen up and check in with Eva. Leaving the coffee from Sonny and his phone in the cup rest, he got out, the morning chill making him shiver as he walked down the sidewalk to his house. He went straight to the shower first when he got in, cranking the hot water up to combat the cold.

When he was ready to go back to work, Eva was also up and getting ready to leave.

“Hey sweetie, good morning,” he greeted as he dropped a kiss on her head.

“Morning dad.”

“All ready for school?” He asked, grabbing a piece of toast.

“Yeah. I’m actually taking breakfast to go. Tammy and I have to finish a presentation. She’ll be here any second.” He smiled as he watched her rush around the room, grabbing her books, bag and food. The smile turned sorrowful as he remembered his conversation with Hank. His thoughts turned to his friends and family finding out about who he was; what his children would think of him.

Her phone chimed, and she ran back to him to give him a hug, “That’s her. Love you, dad.”

“Love you, too. Have a good day.”

_I’m getting ahead of myself._.

When he stepped back out the front door, he rolled his eyes seeing that a spot closer to his house had opened up and lamented the fact that he had to walk all the way to the corner in this cold to reach his car.

He blew into his hands to warm them, regretting not grabbing gloves, when the scrape of a shoe on the pavement behind him caught his attention. Racking his brain, he couldn’t remember seeing anyone out when he left the house. He took a peek over his shoulder and saw a man in a dark jacket and beanie about fifteen feet behind him. A bad feeling crept up his spine as he tried to remain calm and keep walking. He scanned the street as he walked. It looked like there was only one person following him.

He was a few feet away from his car, when he decided he needed to stop and address the person following him. He brought a hand down to his holster as he turned around.

“Hey,” the man didn’t slow. Instead, he brought his hand up, and that’s when Antonio caught a glimpse of the muzzle of a gun in his sleeve. He grabbed for his own gun, startled when all of a sudden, arms grabbed at him from behind and stopped him.

He struggled in the grip, managing to get his left arm free, and threw an elbow at the man behind him. It connected, and he was able to swing his other arm forward and punch the one with the gun who had run forward when he was grabbed.

The man who had grabbed him, however, recovered, and threw him against the side of the car, setting off the alarm, and followed with a knee to Antonio’s gut, then another. The hit knocked the air out of Antonio’s lungs, and he doubled over in pain with a gasp. Something hit him on the side of his head, _hard,_ and he dropped to his hands and knees as his ears rang and his vision blurred. He heard one of the guys say something, but it was muffled in his ears. Another hit connected with his head and everything went dark.


	5. Find Him

Hank tapped the fingers of his crossed arms impatiently, and checked his watch again. The members of the Intelligence Unit exchanged looks as they waited, but their boss stayed silent and fuming.

When the silence continued to drag on he finally zeroed in on Kim, “Where’s Antonio?”

Kim looked at him helplessly, before checking the time, “I don’t know, Sarge. I’ll give him a call.” 

She pulled out her phone and put it to her ear while everyone else waited, concerned. The past few days, Antonio was almost always at the office, so his absence was alarming. And, to make matters worse, their boss was acting strangely. 

She pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at Voight with a frown, “Nothing.”

“Something’s wrong,” Hank muttered, quickly grabbing his jacket and throwing it on, “Let’s go.”

At once, everyone jumped up and followed Hank.

* * *

 

“We passed his car back there,” Kevin said, Adam and him jogging to meet up with everyone in front of Antonio’s place.

Hank ran to their friend’s door and knocked loudly, “Antonio, you in there?” 

There was no sound from inside. 

“Here,” Jay stepped forward with his tools already out and crouched down to unlock the door.

When it clicked open, they drew their guns, and went inside. He stayed in the living room while everyone fanned out and searched for their coworker.

“No one’s here,” Hailey pointed out when they all finished their sweep.

“No signs of a struggle or break in. Nothing.” Jay added.

“Go check his car, ping his phone. See if Eva made it to school this morning. Al, call in to the officers watching Sonny, see what time Antonio left after dropping him off. Find him.”

Everyone scattered to follow his instructions, leaving him alone in the house. He took a moment to breathe and calm his racing heart, pushing the worry down so he could focus. His eyes caught on the picture frames displayed in the corner of the room. He walked closer to examine them. Antonio, Eva, Diego, Gabby… He wondered if somewhere, Antonio kept pictures of his old life.

“Sarge,” He turned around to see Kevin had returned, out of breath. Hank followed Kevin out while he explained, “We found his keys on the ground a few feet away from his car. Also his phone was left behind.” 

Hank chewed at his lip, thinking, “Start knocking on doors. Find out what happened.”

* * *

 

He groaned lowly as the first thing he felt was the pounding of his skull in time with the blood pumping in his ears. The smooth cement rubbed against his cheek as he turned onto his side and took the pressure off his now aching stomach. Swallowing hard, he brought a hand up to the side of his head where a throbbing pain was centered and radiating outward, letting out a wince when he prodded it. 

Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes, only to be blinded by a flash as a voice said, “Say cheese.”

The bright light aggravated his already raging headache, and he cursed internally as he waited for the pain to fade away.

“Don’t mind me,” the voice said, “we couldn’t seem to find your phone, so I’m improvising. Don’t worry I got your good side.”

_ I know your voice,  _ he realized as he looked over and tried to remember where he had heard her before. He couldn’t see her face.

“Oh good. I was worried those idiots had given you brain damage.”  _ Had he spoken aloud? _ “Where is Sonny Walker?” 

“Go to hell.” He growled through the pain.

“Figured. You’re lucky you’re worth more alive,” the woman said as something hit the ground and rolled into his side, “drink this. And don’t die yet.”

* * *

 

“This was recorded on a pod at 6:43, down the street from Antonio’s house, where we found his car.” Adam said, scrubbing through the video and playing it. 

Antonio’s car pulled into the empty spot along the sidewalk. He got out and began walking until he was out of the frame as another vehicle pulled in to park in front of Antonio’s.

Adam forwarded it again, playing it so they could see two men walk on screen, one of them stopping and waiting in the alley, the other continuing on in the same direction as Antonio.

“This is about 30 minutes later.” Adam says forwarding the video one more time.

The man in the alley was leaning back against a wall. A few seconds in, they saw as Antonio walked into the frame when all of a sudden he stopped and turned to face something they couldn’t see. The man in the alley must have heard Antonio, because he pushed himself off the wall as Antonio stopped. What happened next, happened quickly: Their friend’s hand went down to his gun, but the man from the alley had already run up behind him and grabbed him. They watched the two struggle, as the second man finally ran on screen. Antonio got the first man off his back and hit the second. The first man shoved Antonio backwards into a car and seemed to kick him a couple of times. Antonio was bent over when the second man raised his hand, holding a gun, and struck their detective in the head so he fell to the ground. The two men took a moment, probably said something, before the man raised his hand again and to knock Antonio out. 

Man #2 stuffed his gun in his waistband, before they both took hold of their now-unconscious target and threw him into the backseat of their car, then getting in and driving away.

The room was silent, the tension in the air thick as everyone tried to process what they had just seen.

They had to move fast. Hank walked up to the board, where he already had information up.

“This,” he started, tapping a picture on the board, “is Sonny Walker, Antonio’s informant who tipped him off about Lukas Patriaka,” he pointed at Patriaka’s picture, “Last night, Antonio got a call from Walker saying he was being followed. Adam and Antonio found Sonny. He had been attacked by Paul Howard,” he pointed to the picture of a body, “who was shot and killed in the altercation, and an unknown assailant.

“Walker was put into protective custody last night. Antonio was taken this morning.”

Al jumped in, “In that video, he was coming from the safe house. According to Walker’s detail, he left the motel this morning around 6:20.” 

“The timing is pretty damning, but why go after Antonio?” Jay asked, “How would the guy who got away last night recognize him, and how would they have caught on to the fact that we had Walker in our custody?”

“Yeah, Sarge are we sure this really has to do with Walker? What if it’s unrelated?” 

Hank shot a look of disbelief at Kim, “It’d be a hell of a coincidence.”

“I’m just saying, what if we’re running in the wrong direction? What if it’s related to Martin Zayas?”

“Zayas?” Hank was genuinely confused.

“Yeah. Antonio was approached by an FBI agent the other week. He didn’t go into specifics, but he said they wanted information on Zayas.”

Trudy, who has come up to help when she’d heard Antonio was missing, backed her up, “That’s true, Hank.”

“We’ll cover all our bases then. Trudy, do you know who this agent was?” 

“She had a long last name, that’s all I can remember. I’ll pull footage and see if I can get an ID.” Trudy was already on her way downstairs.

“Call Stone, see if he knows about anything going on with the Zayas case.” Hank threw out as an afterthought.

“The rest of us, we’re going to look into Paul Bloom and the people who grabbed Antonio.”


	6. Judas

The solid clang of metal echoed through the room as he kicked at pole again. He grit his teeth and kept pulling hard on the handcuff, holding the short chain to keep the cuff from rubbing further against the raw skin of his wrist.

The metal creaked, but didn’t budge no matter how hard he continued to pull.

Frustrated he kicked at it two more times, before giving up and looking around again. 

The room was basically empty and was probably a part of an abandoned building. The windows were boarded up, some light shining through the slits, keeping the room a little bit above dim. These wooden pallets covered by a tarp right next to him were his only shot. Hopefully there was something there he could use. 

Before he could start looking, a click sounded from the a door a few feet away from him, and made him pause. Besides his visitor earlier, no one had come in or out since he had woken up.

Until now, that is.

The door swung open and a man walked in, propping the door open with a metal wedge. Light shined in from behind the man making it hard to see him until he came up close. He was early thirties, tanned skin, dark hair, and Antonio recognized his face, even though it was a little older than the picture he’d been staring at for the past two weeks.

_ Lukas Patriaka _

“The hell are you doing up here,” Patriaka passed him by and went to examine the pipe he was handcuffed to.

“Why am I here?”

“Don’t act stupid. I want Sonny Walker.”

“I don’t know a Sonny Walker. You’ve got the wrong guy.” 

“That’s a lie, and you know it. 

“It’s true. I got nothing to offer you, okay. So let me go, before you make things worse for yourself.”

“Shut up. You do know Walker. You two are pals and he seems to have a soft spot for you. He stays off the grid for years, but he keeps in touch with you,  _ Jake. _ ” 

His jaw clenched when Patriaka said his name with a sneer.

“That’s right, my sister knows you’re the guy Walker calls Jake. So don’t try telling me Walker won’t come for you.” 

His sister? The woman who had been here earlier.

Time to change gears. 

“Fine. You’re Lukas Patriaka.”

“I am.” Patriaka answered pacing a few steps around Antonio. 

“Kinda underwhelming, I gotta say. You barely register on anyone’s radar.”

Patriaka’s hands formed fists at his sides.  _ He has a short temper. _

“So what, is this your first real crime? Trying to put yourself on the map? Poetic. Your first move is to go after your father’s Judas? You thought you’d make your father proud by killing the man who outted him?”

“I’m avenging my father. Walker sent him to prison, and he’s gonna pay for that.”

“That’s beautiful,” Antonio rolled his eyes, “What do you think happens after that, huh? Think you’re gonna just walk out of here? You kidnapped a cop.

“Your journey’s gonna end here. But let’s be honest, It hasn’t been much of a journey, has it?”

Patriaka flushed - _ he has ambition - _ and looked as though he was going to launch at Antonio, until a voice at the doorway spoke, “Careful Lukas.” 

Antonio looked to the doorway and he narrowed his eyes when he saw Agent Castellanos at the door. 

She gave him a smile, “Hello again, Detective. How’s your head?”

“How did you find me,” he asked. 

She held up a postcard then tossed it to land next to him.

He recognized Sonny’s handwriting immediately:

**_She had more time._ **

It was dated March 23 of last year. The anniversary of Carly’s death.

* * *

 

“Nothing at Bloom’s LKA, his gym, his favorite bar. Nothing. It’s always the same. Anyone who knows him says he’s always with someone different, so his list of known associates is taking us a while to narrow down.” Adam explained rubbing the back of his neck roughly.

“We need something else,” Jay huffed, frustrated.

Hank agreed. It’d been three hours since their friend had been abducted. And they’ve gotten nowhere.

Atwater got up suddenly, heading to the printer, “I have something-” 

The sharp ring of a cell phone cut off whatever he had been saying as everyone looked at each other waiting for someone to answer, puzzled when no one did.

“That’s Antonio’s phone,” Kim jumped up and grabbed it quickly, looking at the screen, “blocked number.”

She looked to Hank, accepting the call and putting it on speaker. 

_ “I have something to show you.” _ A woman’s voice flowed through breezily.

“Who is this?”

The phone chimed, alerting them of a new message. Kim swiped the message open, her eyes widening at whatever she had just seen. Hank walked over and looked over her shoulder, jaw clenching as he saw the photo of Antonio, lying on a concrete floor in a dark room, blood running down his head and neck. 

“What did you do? What did you do to my partner?” 

_ “Your partner’s fine.” _

“What do you want?” Hank demanded.

_ “Sonny Walker.” _

Hank saw the looks that were exchanged around him, and the way Kim’s fingers tightened around the phone in her hand.

_ “I am going to call back in two hours. When I do, I want to hear Sonny on the line. Otherwise that’s the last you’ll see of your detective.”  _ Before another word could be uttered, the line cut off, leaving the room in silence.

Hank looked to Al and Ruzek, “Bring Sonny in.” 

Al nodded and pulled Ruzek away, who lingered, staring at Kim and the phone in her hand, before following Al to the stairs.

“The clock’s ticking. Where are we?” Hank looked at each one of them, but the silence prevailed, “Come on!” Hank slammed his fist down on the desk, making a few of them jump, “Give me a lead.”

Kevin put two pictures up on the board, “Facial rec got hits on both of the abductors: Chris Malcolm and Bruce McGrath”

“Malcolm and McGrath?” Hailey asked, running over to Adam’s desk and scrolling through his computer, “Yeah, right here: Chris Malcolm. Known associate of Paul Bloom.”

“Run him.” Hank commanded as Trudy came up the stairs.

“I was finally able to get in touch with Stone; says that Zayas’ case is shut, and he has no knowledge of an FBI investigation. Talked to a fed I know. The agent who came and talked to Antonio, Castellanos, is not here for any case. In fact, she went AWOL three months ago.”

“That voice on the phone,” Kim looked to Hank, “That has to be her, right?”

“What’s her stake in all this?” Hailey asked.

“I don’t know, but even if we could use that, we’re gonna have a hard time getting anything on an FBI agent. Especially one that’s off the reservation.” Hank sighed, rubbing his brow. He pointed at Malcolm’s picture, “find Malcolm and McGrath. Bring them in.”

* * *

 

“Have you spoken to him?” Hank looked over to Alvin, breaking off the stare-down he was having with the break room doorway. 

“No,” he said quietly, looking across to Antonio’s desk. 

Alvin didn’t say anymore, just left Hank to his thoughts and went back to the break room.

They had brought Sonny in a while ago to wait for the call to come in. Al and Adam had kept the man company and filled him in on the situation. All the while, Hank felt like he should talk to the man, but he hadn’t been able to bring himself to. 

He was afraid. 

Despite Antonio telling him he used to be  _ Jake - federal agent and infiltrator,  _ a man forced to disappear and become Antonio Dawson - Chicago cop, a part of Hank had refused to believe any of what he said. 

He didn’t want to accept that his detective, who was good and honest, who was willing to risk his career by going after a dirty cop, his life for the people of this city, could be living a life of lies.

And if he looked this man, Sonny Walker, in the eyes, he was afraid he may have to.

So, like a coward, he had busied himself with work and ignored Sonny’s presence altogether. But with the call coming in soon, a call that his detective’s life depended on, he was running out of excuses.

He pushed himself away from the shelf and decided he’d hid for long enough.

All three men - Ruzek, Al and Sonny - looked up as he stood at the doorway.

He motioned for Al and Ruzek to get going. Al got up immediately, but Ruzek hesitated, throwing a look between Hank and Sonny, before he left.

Hank walked in slowly and pulled out a chair to sit down. Neither of them said a word, but Hank felt like it was on him to make the first move.

“I’m Sergeant Hank Voight. Detective Olinsky explain why you’re here?”

Sonny nodded gravely, “Patriaka’s taken Jake.” 

His skin crawled at the name, “You’re sure Patriaka is using Antonio to get to you. Why him? What’s your relationship with him?” He told himself he needed to know so there were no surprises in store for them, that it had nothing to do with his… jealousy?... that this man knew a secret his friend had kept hidden for so long.

“I met him years ago, when he was still working as a federal agent,” there was probably more to that story, based on the fond shake of his head, but he didn’t elaborate, “We’ve kept in touch since; check in with each other every now and again. 

“Patriaka tried to off me a few months ago. When he came to Chicago, I figured he could help me find him. I had no idea Jake was going to be targeted. Maybe that was Patriaka’s intention all along.

“Sergeant, I’ve trusted very few people in my life. He’s one of them. He’s family.”

Hank was uncomfortable with the pensive look Sonny was suddenly pinning him with, and was about to ask him what exactly his problem was when he spoke.

“Sergeant. You’re Jake’s boss?” amusement crossed his face, “He arrested you didn’t he?”

The question startled Hank, and he became irritated as it dawned on him that Antonio had told Sonny about him. He didn’t bother answering since Sonny obviously already knew the answer. 

“He threw you in the slammer, but you brought him into this unit, your unit.” 

It was true, sure, but he hated how humorous Sonny found this.  _ He didn’t know anything about him or-  _

But he did know Antonio. And the discomfort flared in him more fiercely at the thought.

Sonny kept talking, “Looks like old habits die hard. He goes after an enemy, ends up with a friend. You couldn’t shake him, huh? Jake seems to have that effect on people.”

Hank had finally had enough.

“His name is Antonio Dawson! Not Jake. He’s not an ex-federal agent. He’s a Chicago cop who works hard for his city and he’s a detective in my Intelligence Unit.”

“Boss, “ The voice came from behind him at the doorway, breaking through the sound of his blood rushing in his ears and his ragged breathing as he leaned over the table, glaring at Sonny’s unfazed expression.

He looked over and saw Atwater at the door. Behind him Hailey and Jay were standing at their desks, staring at him.

“It’s time.”

He gave one more look to Sonny, then pushed past Kevin, “Let’s go.”

* * *

 

The room was tense. Antonio’s cell phone sat on the table in front of Sonny, Kim was seated at the computer, and everyone else was gathered around, waiting anxiously.

The phone rang, and at Kim’s nod, Hank accepted the call.

_ “Sonny Walker” _

Sonny leaned forward, “I’m here. Where’s Jake? Is he alive?” 

Hank saw the looks exchanged around the room, and felt that sick feeling in his gut return.

_ “Hey Sonny.”  _ Antonio’s voice recaptured all their attention.

“Jake. Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

_ “I’m alright. Brother-sister duo here haven’t been very hospitable hosts though. Their dear old dad would be disappointed.” _

They heard a blow land and Antonio grunt before he began to cough.

_ “Calm down you idiot,”  _ they heard the woman say faintly before continuing closer to the phone,  _ “Okay, listen. If you want Jake to live, you, Sonny, are going to give yourself and a hundred grand up to us. When you’re ready to do that, you will call me back on this number and I will tell you what happens next. Got it?” _

Hank nodded when Sonny looked to him, then motioned for him to keep talking.

“It’ll take time to get the money-

_ “You have six hours.”  _ She cut in, _ “A second longer and he dies. Although you might want to hurry, he seems to have lost his sense of self-preservation.” _

The call ended and he looked to Kim. She glared at the computer screen then shook her head,  _ No good. _

“Patriaka has a daughter?” Hank asked, looking at Sonny.

“News to me. Let me do it. Let me give myself up,” Sonny told Hank, rising from his seat, “Just let me get the money, and I’ll get him back.” 

“No,” Hank said calmly, “If you go to them, they’ll kill you both.” He didn’t like how Patriaka had reacted to Antonio. If he was already willing to hurt him, he could kill him. 

“So what are you going to do?” Sonny demanded.

“Our jobs. We are going to find them.”


	7. What have we done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting the last chapters today :) I don't think I'll have time over the next few days, so here's for all you awesome readers! Have an awesome weekend!

His fingers were bleeding, scraped raw from the wood and the small metal staple he had been attempting to peel out of it for who knows how long. 

He wasn’t going to take this lying down. He wasn’t going to risk Sonny giving himself up for him.

The grind of the bolt unlocking sounded through the door, so Antonio quickly put his hand down, moving back to the pole he was cuffed to. Time for the second piece of his escape plan.

When Patriaka walked in all he saw was the bored expression Antonio pasted on his face, “What? Nothing to do? Sister wears the pants in this operation, so you just get to look important?”

“Shut up. You don’t know what you’re talking about. This whole thing was my idea.”

Patriaka was getting angry, he could see. But since his sister was in charge and she had warned him off, Antonio could push a bit more before he’d do something stupid. 

Of course, trying to piss off your short-tempered, armed captor was stupid too, but details, details.

“Okay, so you had a bright idea to avenge your father. But, let me guess, your sister found your goons, figured out that to nab Sonny, you needed me, and came up with this whole ransom.”

Patriaka froze, glaring at him, and if looks could kill… 

Antonio saw Patriaka’s hand move towards his back, and knew that’s where his gun was. Maybe he was pushing too hard. 

After another moment, Patriaka let his hand fall back to his side, then, without a word, left the room. 

Antonio let out a long exhale, then moved back over to the wooden pallet. He could take Patriaka, if he could get him close enough.

Next time Patriaka came in here, Antonio was getting out.

* * *

 

Hank took the keys from Ruzek’s hand and unlocked the cage.

“I want a lawyer,” Malcolm glared. 

“You kidnapped a cop, so I could give a rat’s ass what you want.” Hank snapped. “Where is he?”

“I’m not gonna say anything withou-”

Malcolm stared with wide eyes from beneath his hand which had come up to hold his stinging cheek.

“Where is he?”

“I have rights!” 

Hank lifted him from the bench and threw him against the cage’s wall.

He pinned his arm across Malcolm’s throat and leaned in, “No, you had my detective. Where are they keeping him?”

Malcolm struggled against his grip frantically, so Hank loosened up a bit, “Bruce made the drop. He’s the one who brought your guy to them. I’ve never seen them, I’ve never talked to them. I swear.”

“Where is McGrath.”

“I don’t know, okay! I don’t know.” He choked as Hank started pressing on his throat again, “I’m supposed to meet him and get my cut tonight.” Malcolm whimpered.

“Where?”

“The Riverwalk, at 6.”

* * *

 

“Got eyes on Malcolm?” Hank asked, resisting the urge to look behind him to where he knew Malcolm was waiting.

“We’ve got eyes.” Kim whispered over the comm.

Hank clenched his fists to release some of the anxiety he was feeling. They had less than a half-hour before they had to call back. And time was running out. 

“McGrath just arrived.” 

This time, Hank took a look around and peeked at Malcolm. There were a few pedestrians around. Even with Jay, Al and Kim closest to Malcolm, there were people in the line of fire. They had to do this carefully. 

He saw Malcolm watching McGrath, who was walking straight toward him, looking around shiftily. 

“Start moving in,” he commanded and he saw Jay begin to head for McGrath as Kim made an arc to flank him.

Then, McGrath froze.

Hank cursed and reached for his weapon as McGrath whipped out a sidearm and shot Malcolm before turning and shooting wildly behind him as he dashed away, Jay right behind him and Kim following.

He heard Adam report shots fired as he ran after Kim and Jay, pushing through the panicked pedestrians, while Al went to check on Malcolm. 

“Stop! Police!”

At Jay’s shout McGrath fired over his shoulder again, forcing them all to take cover. 

Jay, still ahead of himself and Kim by a good 30 feet, was the first one up and running again. 

He and Kim jumped up and followed. After a few more yards, McGrath was cornered so he stopped and turned pointing his gun at Jay, just as Hailey and Kevin came in from McGrath’s side.

“Put the gun down!” Jay yelled, walking closer.

McGrath hesitated, but in the next moment his face turned  _ livid _ and they knew what was about to follow.  

“No!” Jay’s shout sounded just as two shots rang out. McGrath’s body jerked, and he released the gun just before he fell backwards into the water.

“Jay, wait!” Hailey’s cry went unnoticed as Jay dove in after him.

They all ran to the water’s edge and were there to help when Jay resurfaced with McGrath’s body. They dragged the body up and, immediately, Jay put his head down in front of the man’s face, muttering “No, no,” as he began CPR.

They all wanted nothing more than to keep trying, but they knew it was futile. The two bullet holes in McGrath’s chest showed that.

Hailey pulled Jay back despite his protests. Kim dropped with a sniffle, her hands running over her face to rest against the back of her head and Kevin put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

His phone rang and with a deep breath Hank put it up to his ear, “What?”

_ “Boss, Walker’s gone.” _

* * *

 

He rubbed carefully at the raw skin of his wrists as he looked around.

He ran over to the door and felt along the edges for a way to pry it open. No luck, not even counting the bolt on the other side. So he ran along the walls and inspected the boarded windows, but there was no way he’d get any of them open quickly enough. 

The door was still his best option, and he needed it to be opened from outside. He could use surprise to his advantage. But he had to act now, before it was too late.

Well this was a stupid plan, but he was out of options. He went back to the pole he had been cuffed to and sat back down. 

Here goes nothing. 

He delivered two sharp kicks to the pole and repositioned himself so he hid his “handcuffed” hand from view. Taking a breath, he kicked at the pole again, and again, and again. Finally, he heard the bolt slide on the door, and he brought his legs in so he’d be ready to jump up. 

“What are you doing in here,” Lukas yelled as he threw open the door. 

Antonio glared.  _ Come on. _

Lukas didn’t move, just met his gaze. His heart raced when Lukas turned back around to the door, so he yelled hurriedly, “What’s the hold up, Lukas? Things not going the way you want?”

_ There.  _ Lukas came back into the room and moved closer. 

He pushed harder, “Where’s your sister, huh? She still doing all the leg work while you play babysitter?”

Lukas charged at him, and he readied himself to launch up if - hopefully when - he threw a punch. And hopefully not pulled his gun. 

But then Lukas stopped, still too far away for Antonio to reach though.  _ No come on.  _ Now was not the time for Lukas to be rational. 

Antonio’s heart fell as Lukas turned his back on him to leave. 

_ Screw it.  _

Antonio launched up to his feet and ran at Lukas, catching him around the waist, and drove him into the wall. 

Lukas’ head crashed into the wall and he went down.

Antonio didn’t stop. He ran out the door and down the stairs. At the bottom, he quickly scanned the large room. It was large, there were wooden crates, pallets and tarp lying around. There were a few large, metal barrels at the side as well. He had two exits, one door was next to a large rollup steel door where a truck sat in front of it, the other was in the opposite corner from him. 

He ran for the closest door, the one next to the rollup. He was more than halfway to it when it suddenly opened, and he met the shocked eyes of Castellanos.

_ Shit.  _

Her reaction time was impressive. She had her sidearm drawn in the next second. 

Having a gun pointed at him made him grind to a halt instinctively. 

“Detective. You got free,” Castellanos noted dryly. 

His eyes flicked to the second exit. He had a clear shot to the other side of the room, and could probably use the truck as cover if she decided to shoot at him. She was the rational one though, so hopefully she wouldn’t..

He was shifting his weight to run when he was jerked forward suddenly and a bang sounded throughout the room. He stumbled as a burning pain erupted in his side, his hands coming up to cover it as he felt blood begin to seep through his jacket.

His ears were ringing, but he caught her enraged yell as he fell to his knees.

“What the hell have you done?” 

“It doesn’t matter. He was never going to leave here alive.”


	8. The lives we lead

The bag could have been filled with lead for how heavy it felt in his hand. He cross to the front of the car, resisting the urge to look around when he didn’t see Jake anywhere, and kept his focus on the woman who stood with her arms crossed about twenty yards ahead of him. The space between them was empty pavement, illuminated by the headlights of his stolen car and the truck that stood behind her. 

No point in prolonging this. 

“Where is he?”

“Is that my money?” She asked in a bored voice.

He unzipped the bag and pulled out a couple of stacks of money the Intelligence Unit had acquired, holding it up for her to see. 

She looked over her shoulder and motioned to someone behind her. 

Patriaka walked out from the shadows, pulling along a stumbling Jake Shaw by the shoulder, a gun pointed at his side. 

Something was obviously wrong: Jake was having a hard time keeping his feet under him and had an arm held tightly to his midsection.  _ What did you do, Jake?  _

“Alright let him go,” Sonny called, trying to mask the alarm Jake’s appearance raised in him, “You wanted me, here I am.”

Patriaka looked over to his sister, who nodded. He pushed Jake forward roughly. Jake was able to catch himself and move forward slowly. Sonny was resisting running forward and grabbing him. Instead, he picked up the bag and waited. He needed Jake far enough away from Patriaka so he’d make it out of there alive, no matter what happened. 

“That’s far enough,” Patriaka yelled, and Sonny’s stomach dropped. Jake stopped, about halfway between the brother and sister and himself, “Come on, Walker.”

Sonny moved quickly to Jake, who was looking unsteady on his own two feet. When he got to him, he quickly placed himself between Jake and Patriaka.

“Are you alright,” he asked, holding Jake’s chin in his hand. He turned Jake’s head to see the dried and messy trail of blood down the side. Then he looked down and saw the blood leaking through his dark jacket, “Jesus, kid.”

Jake let out a quiet chuckle, but he looked around, confused, “What’s the plan? Where’s Voight?”

When Sonny just smiled sadly, dread filled Jake’s already pained expression, “Get out of here, Jake.”

“Sonny,” Jake whispered, at a loss for words as Sonny turned back to Patriaka.

Then a voice yelled out from the darkness “Chicago PD! Drop your weapons and get down on the ground!”

Sonny saw both Patriaka and his sister point their weapons out at the shout, and shots rang out. 

He dropped the bag, grabbed Jake, and ran.

* * *

 

“Sergeant!” 

Hank ran over at the call, leaving Castellanos with Al and Ruzek.

“Over here, Sarge.” Atwater ran into the warehouse leading Hank to where the rest of his team was gathered.

The unconscious form of Lukas Patriaka was on the ground, where Hailey stood over him, but everyone’s attention was focused a few feet away, and Hank grabbed his radio immediately at the sight.

Antonio was kneeling on the ground, Kim at his side, speaking in a low and soothing voice. But her partner wasn’t paying attention to her. He was hunched over, hands planted on Sonny Walker’s chest as he tried to stem the blood streaming from his chest. 

He lifted the radio, “5021 Squad. Two offenders in custody. I need ambulances rolled to our location, now.”

* * *

 

“How is he?” 

Kim didn’t look away from her partner on the other side of the glass

She shook her head without a word and Hank let out a sigh.

* * *

 

The steady beep on the monitor was starting to drive him crazy, as it always did. He hated hospitals; been stuck in them too many times.

He rubbed his eyes roughly, trying to get the hazy image of Lukas Patriaka, hatred and rage on his face, hunched over in pain, as he lifted the gun with an unsteady hand, and pointed it straight at them. The world tilting on its axis as shots rang out and he was pushed to the ground. 

Sonny lying on the floor, bleeding out from a gunshot wound.

He readjusting himself in the hospital chair for the thousandth time, wincing when his stitches pulled painfully. He closed his eyes, letting out a rough breath. 

“Jake.”

His eyes flew open at the sound of Sonny’s voice. Sure enough, he was starting to waking up.

“Sonny, thank God. I’m gonna get someone.”

“No.”

“Sonny-”

“You’re okay.” The quiet observation stopped him in place.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Thanks to you.”

“That’s good.” 

He got up, hand pressed to his stiff and aching side and using his IV stand for support, to try and call for Dr. Rhodes.

“Jesus, kid,” Sonny scoffed, more alert now, “Sit down before you fall over. I’ll call them myself.”

Antonio grinned sheepishly and sat back down.

Sonny pressed the call button and Dr. Rhodes came in soon after.

He gave them both a smile, eyes lingering on Antonio critically, before turning his attention back to Sonny, “Mr. Walker, good to see you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Just peachy, doc,” Sonny grumbled, making Antonio narrow his eyes at him in warning.

Rhodes just smiled, “Well. You suffered a gunshot wound to the abdomen. We had to take you into surgery to repair injury to your cardia, liver and bowel and remove the bullet fragments.”

“So, walk in the park,” Sonny muttered.

“You’ll be under careful observation. You may need another surgery. Try to get some rest for now.” he looked at Antonio pointedly with his last statement.

“Thanks, doc.”

Rhodes nodded to them both, and then left.

Antonio watched Sonny for a few moments before he finally said the most important thing he’d been wanting to say for hours now, “I’m so sorry, Sonny.”

“What the hell are you apologizing for?”

“This is my fault. You shouldn’t’ve had to give yourself up for me.”

“It’s not your fault. If you go back the chain far enough,” Antonio cracked a grin at the familiar words,* “all this is my fault,” Sonny smiled at him, “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Antonio smiled and held up the card Castellanos had given him, “I finally got your postcard. A year too late, but” he shrugged.

A cloud came down over Sonny’s eyes when he saw it.

“I’m sorry, Sonny.”  _ For what happened to Carly. For not being there when Carly’s death had come back to haunt him. _

Sonny shook his head, “You’ve got nothing to apologize for.” 

Antonio still disagreed, but they’d argue in circles he was sure.

There was silence, then, “Why didn’t you tell me you and Laura split?”

Well, he wasn’t expecting  _ that, _ of all the things he wanted to know… “It just didn’t work out, y’know,” he said quietly.

“Jake,” Sonny wasn’t having it.

A lump filled Antonio’s throat. He tried to swallow past it. “I guess,” he took a breath, “I thought she was,”  _ My Carly,  _ “the one for me. She made me forget that I had left behind my old life. 

Antonio shook his head, “I’d given up on finding someone, before. I didn’t like thinking about it.” Sonny nodded, understanding. After all, Sonny was the first one he had admitted all this to, years ago.** “But I thought I could make it work. I believed it would work because I could finally start over. That danger in my life was gone.”

“And then I became a cop again.”

He let out a self-deprecating chuckle, “I couldn’t help it. Police work is what I know, what I’m meant to do. But the job became too much for her, for the kids. I was right the first time, Sonny: The things we do, you can’t bring that danger to them. I couldn’t believe that, for a while, I let myself think I could have that.”

“You still can.” 

Antonio appreciated the effort, but he knew Sonny had his own doubts about that. He shook his head, “Jesus, look at me pouring my heart out like a sorry son of a bitch. Besides, I’m fine now. I’ve got my kids, I have people in my life now who are family to me.”

“You have your team.” 

_ Had  _ my team. “They went to battle for me today.”

“They saved you. I’m glad you found them.” Sonny said, earnestly.

“I’m glad I had the chance.” 

“You think it’s over? That they’ll turn their backs on you now?”

“I don’t know.” Antonio admitted quietly. 

“Jake-” Whatever Sonny had been saying was cut off as his eyes fell closed suddenly and all the air seemed to leave him sinking into the bed heavily.

Panicked, Antonio stood up quickly from his chair, “Sonny?”

The alarm on the monitor rang and he yelled to the doorway,

“Hey we need help in here!”

Nurses ran in followed by Dr. Rhodes, Voight and Kim.

“BP’s dropping!”

Antonio was frozen in place, his eyes glued to Sonny’s bed as they tried to help him. He was being pulled out of the room. 

Next thing he knew, they were wheeling Sonny out and back to surgery.

“Antonio.” 

His vision was swimming, and he felt nauseous.

“You’re bleeding,” Kim’s voice sounded like it was coming from far away, “Come on.”

They sat him down in a wheelchair that somehow ended up behind him and led him back to his room. 

“I’ll get a doctor.” 

As Kim left and they waited, Antonio’s mind went blank, but he noted that Hank looked as though he wanted to say something.

But in the end, the room was quiet as Antonio’s stitches were fixed and they waited for word on Sonny.

* * *

 

“I’m sorry.” Dr. Rhodes’ words sounded like they were coming to him from the other side of a bubble; distorted and quiet. Whatever he said next was lost to his ears. It didn’t matter. It all came down to one thing:

Sonny was dead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - After Carly’s death, Jake apologizes to Sonny for her death. The conversation is similar to what happened here, Sonny says he has nothing to apologize for, Jake says he does if “you go back the chain far enough” meaning his involvement in getting Sonny arrested and them being targeted.   
> ** - When Jake and Sonny talk about how he met Carly, Jake tells Sonny that he felt he’d never find anyone, he stopped trying because his life was too dangerous.   
> If you haven’t watched the show and you want to watch these scenes between Sonny and Jake (they’re some of my favorites)   
> Here are the episode parts:  
> The dinner from the second chapter: https://youtu.be/FaVbXWlTkwk?t=167  
> Their conversation about Carly:https://youtu.be/Iq5eAExk31k?t=89


	9. Antonio Dawson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can totally count by the way XD nine chapters, not ten. Enjoy the last chapter!

Hank walked out into the bullpen, and looked around at his team. They all stopped whatever they were doing and gave him their attention.

“Good job today,” He met each of their eyes with a smile. But it faltered as he looked at the still-empty desk to his left. His team didn’t miss the way his gaze lingered. He forgot whatever he had been about to say and settled with a light, “It’s late, get out of here.” 

As the room emptied, he turned back to Burgess who had just finished taking everything down from the board.

“Have you heard from him?” 

She looked at him sadly, “No, I haven’t,” the papers in her hands crinkled as she held hugged them to her stomach, uncertainty bleeding into her voice, “Do you think he’s coming back?”

Hank bit at his lip, unsure. It had been just over three weeks since Sonny’s death. Antonio had taken medical leave, but even when that had been used up, he hadn’t returned to work. Hank kept telling himself he just needed time, but as one day passed and another, and another, the reassurance started to feel hollow. Even more so as he realized he was being a coward himself.

Maybe it was time he made this right.

“Get some rest, Kim.” He gave her shoulder a squeeze and went to grab his jacket.

* * *

 

He drained his glass, inhaling roughly past the burn the liquor left in its wake. 

He held up the glass, signaling for another before putting it down and prodding the glass to the middle of the bar. As the bartender came to give him a refill, a hand reached over and covered the top of the cup.

“He’s good.” 

A new wave of heat, not from the alcohol, rushed up his neck and he kept his eyes trained on the countertop.

Finally, when he still refused to look up, his boss sighed, “Come on, Antonio. Let’s get you home.”

He gave up, nodding, and slid off the stool. His head was swimming and he relied, more than he cared to admit, on the guiding arm around his shoulders all the way to Hank’s car.

The ride was quiet as he stared out the window. Hank didn’t say anything either, just helped him out of the car to the door and waited patiently while Antonio fumbled with his keys.

The house was cold, dark and quiet when they walked in. Eva was at her mother’s place, the door of her room left open. He flicked on a few lights as he went further in.

His sergeant lingered behind him as he walked to the kitchen. He didn’t look like he was leaving any time soon, so Antonio knew he’d need a drink for whatever was going to happen next. Without a word, he grabbed two beers, opening both and setting one on the counter for Voight while he took a long swig of his own.

He still couldn’t bring himself to look Voight in the eyes. It would be easier for both of them if his boss just came out with it, kicked him out of his unit, then left him to his misery. He hadn’t been able to go back to work, couldn’t bring himself to meet his coworker’s looks, their questions. 

He felt adrift. With Sonny gone, the last real connection he had to his old life had disappeared with him. Meanwhile, he’d probably ruined all ties he had with one of the greatest things he had in this new life.

“Let’s talk,” Voight’s quiet suggestion broke his melancholy thoughts. He followed Voight to the living room, and sat on the couch while Voight took the armchair. 

There was a pause as Antonio thought about what he should say, tapping his thumb against the beer bottle anxiously. Should he apologize? Accept what was clearly going to be the boot? Beg for forgiveness? All of the above?

Hank beat him to it, “I’m sorry about Sonny.”

_ I am too.  _ Antonio was supposed to help him. Protect him from Patriaka. Instead he got him killed.

“He cared about you, Antonio. Wanted nothing more than to get you back.”

That was Sonny. Willing to risk his life for his family. 

“About twenty years ago, my unit was tasked with stopping a robbery crew. Efficient, tight knit, dangerous,” the words came pouring out without his consent, but he couldn’t stop them. “Sonny was their leader,” Voight’s eyes narrowed at that piece of information, but he didn’t interrupt, “They were a man down after a heist.”

“My boss put me undercover to infiltrate the crew. It wasn’t just posing as a driver and joining up for a rip. Sonny was my mark. I had to get him to trust me and accept me as one of his family, because that’s what that crew was to Sonny: his family. Men he trusted more than anything or anyone.”

“And you did.” Voight guessed when Antonio paused.

“Yeah, But it wasn’t just him who got roped in.” 

He took a drink from his beer before continuing, “From the night I met him, he saw me for the lonely, bitter, damaged kid I was. And I fell into this idea of family. He delivered, treated me as his brother, even saved my life.”

“Then what happened?”

“The job was a job. I pulled a heist with his crew, and then, I pulled my badge and gun on him.

“I couldn’t shake that case for a while though. And that wasn’t the last I saw of Sonny. Later on, he had my back when I needed him, and has been there ever since.”

_ Had been there.  _ The lump was back in his throat now and pressure was building behind his eyes. He brought his beer halfway to his lips but his arm suddenly lost all strength to bring it any further. He dropped his head into his hand as his bottle was slipped out from his grasp. The couch dipped as Hank moved to sit next to him, placing a comforting hand on his back. 

Tears fell as he reminded himself that Sonny was gone for good. And desperation surged in him as he realized he couldn’t live with himself if he lost one more great thing in his life today. 

Especially if it meant losing a team he considered family like he had lost his last one. 

“I’m sorry,” Antonio managed, shakily, “My past wasn’t something I meant to hide from you. It didn’t matter anymore. Jake Shaw is dead. I am Antonio Dawson.”

He finally looked up at Hank, and the soft smile he saw there loosened the knot in his chest.

Hank gave a nod, “I know. Your past, who you were before this, doesn’t change the man I know. You’re still the man who puts on his badge everyday to protect our city. Who has given a lot to do the work we do. And you helped make our Intelligence Unit what it is today.”

Antonio sniffed, tamping down the swell of emotions that arose in him with Hank’s words. It was a relief to hear that Hank, at least, wasn’t turning his back on him. Would everyone else be as forgiving?

As if reading his thoughts, Hank added, “They’re waiting for you to come back.”

“For answers,” he knew he was being unfair, but better to accept the truth now.

Hank just shook his head and gave Antonio a quick squeeze on the shoulder, “They care more about you and how you’re doing than they care about your past.”

“They won’t trust me anymore.”

“I do. They will, too. Now, trust us.”

* * *

 

As he passed the interrogating rooms, he heard Adam’s loud bark of laughter echo from the bullpen.

The sound seemed to pierce through his chest, hope and apprehension fighting for his attention within him. But what he felt most strongly at the moment was love. And that gave him strength to ignore everything else.

He steeled himself and took a deep breath before taking a step out into the office. 

The whole room went quiet as if a wave of silence had washed out over the room before him.

He gave a small wave, “Hey guys.”

To his right, Hank came to lean against the doorway of his office and gave him a smile. 

He was startled when Kim suddenly walked right up to him with an excited, “Welcome back!” And gave him a hug. 

Al followed with a called out, “It’s good to see you man.” And the silence was broken as various greetings rang out. 

“Kim, catch Antonio up on our cases, would you?” Hank said clapping Antonio on the shoulder. 

“You got it,” she beamed and led the way back to their desks. 

He caught Jay’s eyes following him as he sat, and gave him a small smile before he looked away as Kim began filling him in on what he’d missed. 

He was gonna have to talk to his friends eventually, at least explain a bit. He owed them that much for saving him. But he felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and right now, this was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we've made it! I'm thinking of expanding this into a series, that's why I didn't feature the team too much at the end. So stay tuned if you like this, we may see more of Jake's past revealed!   
> Hope you enjoyed!


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